Recently, it was Mark 400’s birthday. He’s old. Sad times. Nah not really but yer know, older than me. At heart though, he’s a big kid (he had chicken dippers for his birthday tea… IKR) and for his birthday he decided we’d all go be big kids with him and play Lazertag.
Lazertag as I remember it, was clean, shiny floors, neon lights, cheesy pop music and a print out at the end with the scores when your slightly flushed from light jogging in a dark room and anticipating calypsos, egg mayo sandwiches and a party bag.
This was not Lazertag as I remember it. This was a mission. And we were soldiers.
First, me and Angharad battled through the middle class eateries of Fulham to find a pasty shop. Our mission was unsuccessful and Angharad left wanting for a proper sausage roll. Next, mal-nourished, we had to navigate our-selves all the way to the o2 arena. That’s a long way from Fulham. After another 15 minute journey on a bus where we drove past normal sized supermarkets (not expresses, Little Waitroses and Sainsbury’s Locals) and a forest of retail parks and we still had another maze of streets to get lost through until, finally, we reached it, Bunker 51
We arrived, weary from our travels to be greeted by the smell of sweat, broken dreams, and pee. I kid you not. A heavily bearded man dumped the lazertag vest over my carefully coiffed beehive mercilessly and after I wiped some of the germs from my lazer gun with some Kleenex, we were sent into the battlefield.
There was no neon lighting. It was rough, uneven surfaces, dirt, mud, gravel and fear. Grown men dived behind shelters to avoid being shot, screams of frustration echoed when we were taken out by a surprise attacks and dirty tactics were rife. The under tens we were playing against were merciless!
Exhausted, shot multiple times, sweatier than I care to admit and just wanting to beat the crap outta the lil shits that had whooped our asses, we returned our guns. Mission failed.
Was really fun though, just don’t wear a dress, do your hair and expect to come out not smelling slightly homeless.
Just ten adventures to go in two months to complete my New Year’s Resolution!
Jimmy’s at the O2. Just don’t even go there. Seriously, don’t
Sophie’s Steakhouse – So much meat. The boys polished off their ribs SO FAST.
The Diner– Gloucester Road – OMG the Snickers milkshake
Camino – Good vibe, happy hour drinks, dying to try their tapas.