Shut up JK Rowling


J K Rowling made the news again this week.  If she’s not off pretending to be a bloke or unnecessarily outing Dumbledore from the Nimbus 2000 broom closet, she’s upheaving the Harry Potter Has Ended Grief to reveal that she thinks that Ron and Hermione actually shouldn’t have copped off together after all! She claims she made the wrong decision and in fact, it should be Harry, golden boy Harry, who should’ve got the girl too! I can kinda get Snape’s and Draco’s intense loathing for the guy now!

But, even though loads of fans are upset and said ‘they knew it along’, I’m angered by it.  Rowling says that she knows that Ron probably won’t be able to fulfill Hermione’s emotional needs, that Harry and Hermione were the natural pairing, but I think that’s actually bullshit.  Hermione would’ve been bored to death by Harry. Ron is playful, a proper bloke and a laugh- exactly what Hermione needs after all that work at the ministry she’ll be doing all day long.  Whilst Ron will leave his auror job at the door of work and rush home to be with his wife, play happy families and stand up to Molly when she becomes the overbearing mother in law when Hermione attempts to cook the Sunday roast, (Ron would eat anything anyway, regardless of it being badly cooked), Harry would return home from his auror duties and probably bore Hermione to death about the Dark Lord and some tingling in his scar.  And that’s not a euphemism.

AND what about Ginny? The way things are now mean Ron and Harry are as close as they can be to brothers, (hashtag cute) Harry’s got a hot ginger wife, Ginny bags the most popular guy in  high school despite her last dates including the likes of Neville Longbottom (who is now also fit FYI), and the Harry-Ginny relationship is already well romantic because he saved her life already when they were like 13 or something in the Chamber of Secrets.

Harry and Hermione’s love story would be boring. It’d be spag bol and resentment and muffled arguments whilst the kids were asleep. At least with Ron and Hermione there’s a bit of class intermixing, not to mention Arthur Weasley would love the fact he had muggle blood in his family.  Sure at Christmas Ron might drunkenly embarrass himself when he gets angry that Hermione and Harry win as a team at Pictionary and the fact that Ginny couldn’t work out his impression of a Hungarian horntail dragon. And sure when Hermione hits 40 she will wonder briefly what it would’ve been like to shake Harry’s elder wand- but that would be it. I think it’d be more likely that Ginny would cheat on Harry with Draco or something.  I’m sure there’s probably fan fiction on it somewhere already…

I love Harry potter, here’s a picture of me unashamedly pretending to board the Hogwart’s Express I love it that much, but J K Rowling, please just shut up and let me reread the scene where Hermione looks fit for the ball and Ron goes all Moody Judy because of it.



5 thoughts on “Shut up JK Rowling

  1. Just got round to reading, absolutely fantastic! A PR stunt has gone too far when it ruins childhood. Plus, Harry is way shorter than Harry when she wears heels. No one wants that. Evolution made her pick the tall guy.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s